Three years ago I met Lisa Dowers on set filming Finding Jenn’s Voice, a documentary about intimate partner homicide. Lisa is a domestic violence survivor and life coach and our guest blogger today. She generously shares how transforming a mindset can transform your life. I hope that you will find encouragement and wisdom from her story. Happiness is a choice, and some days it’s a struggle, but like Lisa discovered, wonderful things are ahead, experiences you may have to fight for, but experiences you deserve.
“Four years ago was the best day of my life and one I will always celebrate. It’s the day I chose life. It’s the day I chose to be alive, to fully live my life. It’s the day I chose to love myself and say “no more.” So, today, I celebrate life and the beautiful gift that it is.
Four years ago is the day that I left an abusive relationship. Only a few days earlier he tried to take my life. I couldn’t be happier for the decision to leave and I’m SO very grateful for everything that it opened me up to.
I now truly and whole heartedly live my life to the fullest. When I was in that relationship I didn’t feel alive. And when I left I almost lost my life. I learned that each day we are blessed with truly is a gift. So when I left, I chose to live life to the fullest and truly live each day as if it were my last. After I healed from that experience, I moved across the country to NYC to train with the top dance instructors. I LOVE myself so much that I overflow with the energy of love. I am excited for the beauty that each day will bring! I am SO joyful that I feel like it’s just bursting from me! And each and every day I get closer to actualizing bigger and better dreams!
I’ve learned so many lessons over the years since that relationship ended. Lessons I am eternally grateful for. I hope that some of these may resonate with you.
-Give yourself the validation, love, approval, and acceptance you seek from others. Until you learn to give it to yourself, you cannot feel satisfied with what others give you.
-Be kind, Be loving, be compassionate. Make the world a better place. Be the change you wish to see in the world. Be the love you wish to see in the world. Be the peace you wish to see in the world.
-Be love, peace, joy and positive energy and you will live the most beautiful life. From that place, you will bring joy and positive energy to the lives of others. This changes their world and it changes the world.
-The love you give to yourself is the only love that can truly satisfy you. The love you receive from others cannot fill you full. Only your love can do that. When we think we need love from another we become dependent upon them and we feel miserable when we don’t receive love exactly how we wanted. But the thing is that the only person you can trust to love you exactly how you want to be loved is YOU. You know what you need more than anyone else. And from this place of self- love you will attract people who will love you just as much as you love yourself.
-People only abuse us to the level that we abuse ourselves. If you love, honor, cherish and respect yourself you will bring people into your life that love, honor, cherish and respect you. If you hate, criticize, put down, judge and abuse yourself, you will bring people into your life that do the same. When you treat yourself with love, you recognize the abusive toxic people immediately and you steer clear of them. Be the person you desire to attract into your life.
-Love yourself. Know that you are worthy of love and belonging. It is your birthright. You can only receive love to the degree which you love yourself. The people in our lives are mirrors to our own beliefs. If you believe that you don’t deserve love or you’re not valuable, your perceptions of your experiences will reflect that back to you. When you don’t love yourself, you attract people who can’t love you and you deflect the love that is being given to you. Love yourself and then you will have all the love you want and need.
-I am the only person that can make me happy. My partner cannot make me happy. I want to fill myself so full with love, joy, and positive energy that I don’t need anybody and then I will allow that love and joy to overflow to my loved ones. My partner adds to my experience, but he does not determine if my experiences are good or bad.
-Make it your dominant intention each and every day to feel good. We are here to ENJOY life, to live filled with joy, excitement, enthusiasm, love, and passion. You are not here to be miserable and a slave to someone else’s dreams. You are here to live the life of YOUR dreams!
-Your experience is more important than the outcome. Let it go and allow yourself to have a beautiful experience. From this place of detachment, the outcome can be beautiful as well.
-I am here to experience and radiate the energy of peace, love, and joy. Nothing else matters.
Everything is always working out for the highest good of all concerned. ALWAYS. Maybe it’s hard to see this at first, but if you look you can find the blessing and lesson in every experience and how it was moving you towards what lights you up.
-Live a life fueled by what lights you up. Dig past the fear and choose love, always.
People treat you how you expect to be treated. If you expect your needs will not be met by others, chances are they won’t be. If you expect others will not respect you, chances are they won’t. Once you know that you deserve to be treated with love and care and HONOR that, other people will honor that.
-Living in anger and hatred serves no one. It fills our body and mind with toxicity. Yes, anger is a normal part of processing negative experiences. But when we choose to stay in that place we are choosing to live in toxicity. Learn to let go and move on and your life will be filled with beauty.
-No matter what you have experienced, you can heal and you can thrive. When you do the work, are introspective and get professional support you can create whatever you want in your life, regardless of what you’ve experienced or what your circumstances are.
-Don’t feel bad for saying no to others and saying yes to yourself. You deserve your love. Every person is responsible for their own emotions and they don’t need to take anything you do personally. It is better to say no than to feel lasting and lingering resentment. Once you have filled your own “well” you will naturally have a desire to give, be with, and support the people meant to be in your life.
-Don’t take ANYTHING personally. Absolutely NOTHING is personal. Even if someone rejects you and says it’s you, it’s not true. Anything a person does is based on their own beliefs, their own perceptions, and the stories they tell themselves. “X is good, Y is bad, oh I don’t like that.”
-Don’t trust the opinions of others so much that you give them the power to take away your sense of self-love and acceptance. Nothing is personal. Remember this in each moment and you will be free.
-You become like the five people you spend the most time around. Surround yourself with the people that light your soul up.
-Question EVERYTHING. Especially your thoughts! They’re mostly lies and fear based beliefs based in insecurity just trying to keep you safe. Love is the only thing that is real.
-Love is everything. Love is all. The Universe is an ever-present energy field of love. Love is always surrounding you, protecting you, and flowing positive energy and abundance to you. When you fill yourself with love, the fear goes away. There is no room for fear in a mind filled with love.
-Today, and every day I will commit to choosing love over fear. I commit to joy, excitement, passion and living the life of my dreams.
-The greatest lesson I have learned in my entire life is this: ***Life is precious, it is a gift. Each and every moment that we have is a precious and beautiful gift. When we truly live life from this place, life becomes one joyful moment after the other.
Today, and every day I celebrate life and the beautiful gift that it is.
Wishing you all a beautiful life filled with love, beautiful moments, and beautiful experiences,
Light and love… Lisa”
Lisa’s Facebook Page is facebook.com/groups/lovelightlisa
*Please share if you think someone can benefit from this message.*
Reading posts like these only solidify that it is the victims fault for getting into an abusive relationship. I love myself. I was a happy, outgoing, accomplished person until I was in an abusive relationship. It is not a victims fault to fall into a relationship that was a lie from the beginning. Many abuser don’t show any signs of abuse until long into a relationship. That doesn’t mean a victim doesn’t love themselves, only that they fell victims to someone who manipulated and took advantage of them. It is not a victims fault. Empower victims instead of blaming and shaming them for falling into a place they NEVER asked to be.
Thank you for this! Finally filing after 32 years of emotional abuse.