It is Christmas Eve. I am sitting in church, early as the children prepare as acolytes for the midnight service. I await friends I’ve asked to join me as I write on my blackberry. 

I am always in awe by the architecture of our church, by the stained glass above the altar that inspires me every time I take communion, by a choir of amazing voices accompanied by a skilled organist. Tonight, however, it is the simple experience of the peace of being here that leaves me in awe.

I have received the gift of knowing how it feels to just ‘be’ this Christmas. To realize I am free. To know I do not have to answer for my faith in my own home, defend those with whom I worship, choose between a person and God, to make excuses (lies) to other people when I no-showed rather than participate in another power struggle (argument).

I have opened the gift of being joyful, and it gives me great pleasure to share it. The gift of being truly loved for who I am, not who I am expected to be as an ever changing and unachievable standard. The gift of happiness.

 So here I am. Me and my blackberry and my friends and my God in my church with my children and my church family. Thanking God for more than the gift of Christ’s light in the world. Thanking God for peace. Thanking God for the chance to finally understand what it means, to know it, to be in it.  Amen.  Merry Christmas.

About Lisette d. Johnson

Murder-Suicide Survivor, Mom, Writer, Speaker, Serial Volunteer in the Intimate Partner Violence and Sexual Assault Arena, Entrepreneur, &amp Friend. I survived, my kids survived, and I am here to tell the story.
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2 Responses to Christmas

  1. Vickie Beach says:

    Hi Lisette,

    I just read your Post on Cacey’s wall and your blog post and wanted you to know just how eloquently you expressed what I have been feeling in the last 18 months since I left a similisr situation with my kids. I have not had the pleasure to meet you but have heard Ben, Casey, Cindy and other mutual acquaintances describe you as a really great person. Merry Christmas to you and your kids and keep up the inspiring blog posts!

  2. Melissa Ball says:

    Merry Christmas and best wishes for a peaceful new year.

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